The Wake Up Call

I remember when I started studying shamanism. Every moment was magical. Every dream was intense and brightly vibrant. I saw signs everywhere. It seemed the Universe was always talking to me.

Many years ago I wandered off the path. I started getting sick, and felt anxious and misplaced! Then I received a wake up call. My sister sent me a book on shamanism. I thought “hmmm… this is a beginner’s book… what could I possibly learn from it?”

But because I liked the author, and I had nothing else to do but freak out about my problems, I decided to start reading.

I remember it was about 6:30am on a beautiful summer morning. I was sitting in the backyard and my hubby and kids were still fast asleep.

What I read brought tears to my eyes… sweet memories of a whispering Universe filled me. I couldn’t believe I’d let all this magic go, and for what?

At that point, I really got it; the anxiety, the fears, the physical ailments – all products of a mind in need of healing. I sat the book down, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and whispered out loud “Thank You.” I did some deep breathing, and just let myself truly relax for the first time in months. As I let my worries float away, I heard the cries of two hawks, hunting in harmony. I opened my eyes and stared into the sky, my eyes watering slightly from the brightness of the morning sun. As I watched the hawks circling each other, I felt their message clearly. Harmony, peace and healing.

In that moment, I just KNEW I was going to find a hawk feather in my yard – and I mean that feeling was strong. I got up and walked around my yard, checking every nook and cranny. No feather. Not one! I decided to let that be okay. I’d gotten what I needed – a wake up call.

Later that morning I took my kids to the park to meet with some friends. As we walked toward our favorite spot my son said “here mom, this is for you.” I looked and he held in his hand a hawk feather.

I held it between my fingers, and stared at it, half wondering if I understood what I was looking at. It was a message. It was a confirmation. It was a wake up call.

It was just what I needed.

Now I won't say the journey from that point forward was easy - it wasn't. And I won't say that the moment of connectedness stayed with me - it didn't. Everyday is a struggle and a blessing. I have to choose between my heart and my fears all the time.

I don't always get the hawk feather when I need it. But I'll get something. And it will end up being just what I need in that moment.